D-d-digression..!

"Songs about drifters, books about the same. They both help to make me feel a little less insane."
- Modest Mouse.

So, my two favourite people in the world
and I went to a musical about teenage
pregnancy.
And it was fudge-ing-goooooooood..!
And then we golfed and de-frosted.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeah.

We have Maths class on the one
day of the week that we don't
have Maths class this week.
Bad Scat.

But on the plus side,
after school study is actually
forcing me to work so now there's
a slight chance that I'll be
getting into college.
Oh balls yes..!

I don't know if the weather
really encourages a melancholly
atmosphere aboot the hoose
but it doesn't appear to be too far-fetched
a theory.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all.
-Emily Dickenson.

I have the first draft of a
poem written that I intend on
submitting to this book that's
being published to aid St. John's
at Our Lady's Hospital in Dublin.
( http://poetryagainstcancer.wordpress.com/ )
I might post it later..
and then be rather frightened by how
attrocious 'tis..

As long as no-body hurts themselves,
we'll all float on okay.
Just walk, don't run, drink juice,
yum yum.

One Love.

x

Now that you've found your paradise this is your kingdom to command..sit by the fire in your shangri-la.
- the Kinks.

Things are never boring.
Though often.."misty".

Also, there are two demonic emoticons
to choose from.
Surely that's not necessary..

Ever wish you could resolve someone's
problem for them and have absolutely
not even the foggiest notion as to
how you would go about it even if
you should make an attempt?
Of course you have..

School was oddly tolerable for a small
portion of today.

Hey you, over there!
I want to lace your sandwitch with
rape drug..!

I cannot wait for Saturday.
I feel I may crenate!

"You took me to your family
You warned me well before
theat your father is a fascist
and your mother is a whore

So I'm going to live in China
where you get a better deal
where your killer is a poet
and your commerade is a girl."
-Leonard Cohen.

I am on a boat mother fucker.
Do not ever forget.

One Love.

x

People are strange when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when you're alone. Women seem wicked when you're unwanted..Faces come out of the rain when you're strange.
- The Doors.

Some people really are just utterly
sadistic assholes.
At this point in time I have a
former friend who currently refrains
from making even a gesture in my
general direction unless it is
a look of sheer comtempt.
His reasons behind this, I fear
to think of. Although I have this
inclination that it may have
something to do with the fact that
he may think that I've falsely
informed someone else of things that
never actually happened between us.
Which I most certainly did not.

It wouldn't bother me but for the
fact that we ended something that
never even got to start with the sole
condition that we would stay as close
friends as we were before.
And we really did get on well.
We did speak up until about noon
today when the silence started.
It had been stilted, generalised
small-talk but it had been
conversation at the very least.

Earlier today I was considering
having yet another "serious"
conversation with him about the
state of things but I know that
there's still a possibility that
it might all be in my head.
Though I'm fairly positive it's not.

And I'm being told that I shouldn't
think about it any more.
That I shouldn't think about him
anymore because the things that
he did to me really deserve neither
description nor recollection.
I'm also being told that finding
a new outlet for my affections
would be the best course of action
but at this present juncture,
I just don't see how I can handle
trying to feel anything in that vein
again for at least a short time.
No matter how tawdry and transient
those feelings may end up being.

But there are some in worse situations
than I.
Some that are starting afresh and some
that are regressing, but most certainly
in the only intelligable way.
And I wish these people the very best.
Firstly, because I love both
and secondly because I know better than
some others and as well as more;

A mighty pain to love it is,

It is to love, but love in vain

And it never f'ing goes away..

One Love.

x

And the sign says; "Long haired freaky people need not apply."
-Fatboy Slim

It feels awful when you're jealous enough of
someone to revel in the fact that they're
having a horrific time.
But then you start to wonder at how rediculously
infantile you're being..
and you don't stop but you do feel that little bit
worse.

I realised that I really disappointed
someone by total accident recently.
I'd like to apologize but it's
certainly better left by its onesies.

"I like boring things." - Andy Warhol.

So, my little "inconvienience" didn't
really pan out as I'd hoped but at
least it's resolved.
For the other party.
I suppose.
But you have to wonder why there are
residual flickers at what might have
been..
Although this be arse mustard, so we shall
neglect it. For now.
I wish that little indentation
in my heart'd pop itself back into shape.
But that really is just too much to hope
for.

It mustn't've been love. But at least it's
over now..

I really love my best friend though.
Woman has the unending ability to injest
any of the not-even-remotely-filtered
bollox that I though at her.
SuperThanks..!
I still want that boobie..

The Kinks.
Cheers.

Back to reading again.
At long, long last.
Now just to go back to writing.

Save me, save me, save me from this squeeze.
I've got a big fat Momma try'na break meeee.

One Love.

x

Fated for false hope
and
sat out to sink.
Fuddled to blazes,
forced now to think.

You know what I am,
so you know how I live and
try to look proud
but you're not in the slightest.
It's happening now,
and it's always been like this.
I'm not whole.
I'm not whole.
Whole?
You waste it all..

Alice Goodwin, in shops now.
Feel priviledged.

Just when you think you know who
you're friends aren't..
Schlap.

You'll forget what you meant when you're
on the descent.

The ant has made himself illustrious
Through constant industry industrious.
So what?
Would you be calm and placid
If you were full of formic acid?

One Love.

x

It fits around me sometimes..The face ain't makin' what the mouth needs. Wonder more, want more than we did before..The shit is a-runnin' and it runs deep. Can't see why I kept this from you. My, those quiet eyes become you.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

I would like to take this opportunity
to immortalise the magesty of my best
friends. If more considerate human
beings have ever existed, I'll be
seriously friggin' surprised.
Between defending me and making the hard
decisions for me and insulting other
people on my behalf and supporting any of
the idiosyncratic, rediculous notions I've
ever had, yis are pretty shaggin' excellent.

Cheers.

Biffy Clyro was immense.
Never thought I'd have to say this but,
'Mon the Biffy..!
Also, Pulled Apart By Horses weren't
that shabby and Manchester Orchestra
really have the power to connect, if a
certain member of Biffy would
just stay out of the balcony..

Some serious banter and serious euphamisms.
Again, haven't I quite the spectacular chums..?

Last night though,
holy ghost of a watermelon.
It was, by far, the most confusing cock-up
I've ever experienced.
In short;
Had the supreme craic in theatre, had a lovely
chat with my drama teacher, got caught
in a torrential downpour, put my phone in a dryer,
had some yoghurt, put on a hat, had a hot chocolate,
spoke with a vampire, met some friends, went to
Supermacs in a serious shroud of cynisism,
made balloon jokes, learned about Canada, met
another *cough* "friend", became more entertained,
became segregated within the group, met best friend,
saw a spongebob guitar, talked about pianists, found
other friends, took the piss out of a giant banana,
gave moral support, listened to metal, waltzed down
the street, met devil woman, was forced into a circle
of hugs, waited in a queue, was hat-raped..
and from there it just got better..
*sarcastic face*.

Well, in hindsight, it was pretty enjoyable and
then, from other aspects, there was a serious sence
of alienation that couldn't be escaped at some points.
If only people were more fluid with their decisions!
Not that I'm complaining, REALLY! I did have a lovely
time overall it's just.. I'm not the biggest fan of
not being totally knowledgeable about things that
concern me..

I'm in way over my head and I reckon it's all for nothing.
Despite all of the inputs of my friends.
One said that they thought I could get my hopes up
but that it was understandable that I didn't want to.
But another did say that they thought that it was only
a developing possibility and that it might not come
to fruition at all..
I hate this constant inadequacy that's been around
throughout this whole shindig..BAH!
But, genuinely, as tacky as it is, I really
trust gestures over words. And, going on that,
I should be pretty confident..
So why am I not..?
Ahhhh, there are many in worse perdicaments than I.
And I feel that I may just be making them
worse so I intend on shutting up
pretty soon.

I just keep dwelling on it.
And it really hurts.
The physical pain barrier's been
compromised anyway.
But that could always just be bad
coleslaw..

All the way down, *hehe*
I couldn't help repeating this in my head.
It was rather freaky.

At night I dream of the hummingbird
Feel the beatings of its wings
And if you only had one choice my dear
Would you fly or would you sing?

(Although Violet Hill and Some Might Say
did shove it out every once in a while.)

At least I got to hear Banquet when
the world was crumbling!
And if you feel a little left behind, then we will wear you on the other side.

New York, I love you, but you're bringin' me down.

One Love.

x

God save strawberry jam and all the different varieties.
The Kinks

I had two of the strangest conversations
of my career last night.

The first was a very odd, spontaneous,
stilted heart to heart which vastly expanded
my vocabulary and sort of simultaneously
unwedged my thought process.
Although it did make me slightly more cynical
than I usual am.
I reckon that was just a reaction caused by
my fear of them getting tarnished and seeing
them grow up. And I don't know them all that well.
Even though I know far too much about them and they
quite a bit about me.
I hope to globular enzymes they'll get what they want.
Just this once.

The second was intensily lighthearted.
Mostly about flamable objects and burberry.
I don't know how much more I can take of my friends
having girlfriends. Or friends with benefits. Or fuck
buddies or what have you.. Being as jealous as I am,
I can't help but have this mad assumption that she's
not half as shagging fantastic as he concieves.
And I have known her longer, just not as well.
Although, she's never really let me in and I'm fairly
certain she's not my biggest fan but still..
There's a little incling that he's going to get his
heart splattered all over hell.
Perhaps if she broke up with her last boyfriend soonish
I'd be more confident in his possition.
I've tried to hate him.
Didn't work.
I've tried to ignore him.
Didn't work.
I've tried to express my anger in his general direction.
And he smiled at me.
We'll see about Saturday.
Why do they always have to be my best friends in the end?
*sigh*

In any case, both seemed to illustrate how much of an
absolute idiot I've been and will continue to be for
the forseeable future.
I don't even have my usual fallback of "being nice" now
because of all this abounding bitterness and resentment.
Bah.

And still I'm rather happy.
For tomorrow be Biffy!
Alice be back and Ian shall be there and it'll all
be lovely lovely jazz.
Saturday though, Saturday should be interesting.
I intend on ending up speaking the few contents
of my mind and getting stabbed. Again.
Luvly.

Willy Wonka: See children? Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible! But that my children. is called cannibalism; and that is frowned upon in most societies!

Listen to "Death of a Clown" by The Kinks.
We can be friends once you do that.

One Love.

x

It's not as if I don't like you, it just makes me sad whenever I see you. Cause I like to be gone most of the time and you like to be home most of the time.

Slump.
Gah.
Monosylabic, insane!
Breathe with me.

I really have to stop telling people how fantastic
other people are.
And other people really have to stop diserning
aulteriour motives in everyone else's actions.
But I don't want to be too particular.

Making new aquaintences readjusts things,
doesn't it?
In a pleasant, non-fictuous way though.
Unlike making new friends..

I have to stop falling over.
And over.
And over.

I have alot of writing to do and few words
to put into it, having given up on being
pretentious in the past while.
Which just reinforces how much of an asshole
I really am.

My best friend's in Germany.
I miss her..
She's been gone for, what?
72 hours?
God save us when college comes around.:-\

Biffy on Thursday.
Let's hope no-one punches me.
Clyro fans are scary!

I'm in the mood for playing some
mind-jellifying video games and
having some pointless discussions
with my sex men.
That's always nice.

I'm actually going to end up watching
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
with the commentary on and a puppy on my
lap whilst texting someone or other and
further abusing the majesty of Meteor's
free text package.

I keep thinking in innuendo.
Also, I keep dreaming about this one
human being.
On repeat.
And I can never find him.
And last night he was showering in glass
shards and smiling moronically at a penguin
shaped radio.
What the bejesus is the symbolism in that?

I shall consult Fraiser Crane!

Stop listening to Bombay Bicycle Club or die.
300 plays of Always Like This on ITunes alone at this stage.

Upon our next engagement,
I shall have something to say.
Huzzah.

One Love.

x

Did you ever know that you should be happier
but end up instead to be complaining inside
your little head about absolutely any imperfection
in your pathetic little existance?

I have.
And I'm a bloody fool.

This is a call to arms,
to live and love and sleep together.
And, in spite of the weather, we
can learn to make it together.
The youth is starting to change.

Do what you love and fuck the rest.

It's so much easier to tell you when
you're not here.
But I can't seem to feel right if you're
not these days..
Weird.
It's not as if I've known you that long
or anything..
but meh..

This is a maid speaking by the way.

One Love.
x

Once is better than a life time, once is better than a whole long sigh..

A very strange but enjoyable day..
Felt a couple of bosoms..
Got a back rub..
Nearly died of happiness..

Good Good really..

I spoke with nearly all of my friends at different
times during the day..
That very rarely happens but it was really lovely..

Sometimes I forget to tell them how spectacular
they are for fear of it losing its penache..
I suppose it's kind of like that with anything you love..
You're afraid to embrace it too much for fear of
breaking it sometimes..

What's life without a dorsal fin though, eh?

Hallowe'en eh?
Liver damage eh?
Way hey, eh?

Now, go home and listen to some Bon Iver and then
get back to me..

May all your grapes be juicy..!

I'm always happiest when I stop trying to understand
the people I can trust and when I trust in what I
understand of everyone else..
So it's only when I'm unhappy that I truely learn anything.
Pity that.

I have a feeling I'm going to get in trouble in school
tomorrow..
Although, considering the ammount of times I said
penis in double religion today, I think I can get
away with most school-related stupidity.

It's always like this
One Love.

x